No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
