I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
