Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize