i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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