I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
