Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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