I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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