First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
