It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
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