I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
