I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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