dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You've changed since you got that strap on
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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