woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
