it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
