Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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