I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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