This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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