I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
