he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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