everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
