I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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