Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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