please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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