Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
