Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have fence marks all over my body
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
