To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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