You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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