You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's always time for handjobs
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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