R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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