I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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