I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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