So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
