remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
