yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
