1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
