so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
