ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
