it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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