Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
