i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
