the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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