i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
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Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch