Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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