i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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