I showed him my bush... on skype.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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