i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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