dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
