last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize