I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you traded sex for a burrito?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
