yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
