update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
