Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
