hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
