she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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