Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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