I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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