Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
