I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize