are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
God, I missed his penis.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
