i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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