Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
