OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize