why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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