apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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