I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
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I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying