Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session