do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...