hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
