Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
