chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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