Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize