we made out on top of his cat.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
