she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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