The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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