forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
