just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
