The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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