i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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